ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't turn off my feet"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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