how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
