Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize