and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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