so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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