You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
