I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
