Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
