I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
