What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
