I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
