i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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