Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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