I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
