Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
