Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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