Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize