would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
