I am spending my child support on dildos
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize