Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
