why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
