Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
