Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
