omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
