so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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