U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
