Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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