But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
