After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
