Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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