I looked at my own cervix.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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