I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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