Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
