well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
