He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
