Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
