you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
