I want to stick my p in your. b.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
