She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
