She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
