you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
