the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
