the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
