So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Rumble strips road head = magical
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
