I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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