What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
