i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
