Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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