chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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