Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize