Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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