Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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