There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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