Little spoons don't ask big questions
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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