I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
