Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
