I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
