member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
