it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize