ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
