woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
