He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
