I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
