I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im six kinds of drunk right now
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
