he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
