I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
