ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
