this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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