omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
