This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
