I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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