why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
