Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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