When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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