I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
