Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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