i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
