he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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